1 - Love is grand; divorce is at least a hundred grand.
2 - Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
3 - Remember: amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.
4 - Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
5 - Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
6 - An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A
pessimist fears that this is true.
7 - Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just
8 - My inferiority complex is not as good as yours is.
9 - I am having an out of money experience.
10 - It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers
to ask you the questions.
11 - You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
12 - Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went
before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She
The judge then said, "Then I will give you six days in jail."
Before the judge could finish pronouncing the punishment the woman's
husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge replied, "What is it?"
The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."
© 2006, Jace Carlton. All International Rights Reserved.